Love and Relationship Addiction
Celebrate Recovery provides a safe place to deal with the depression, isolation, lack of trust, and the unhealthy use of love and relationships as means of achieving worth, that are characteristics of Romance and Relationship Addictions.
Addicted to "LOVE" Characteristics are:
Lack of nurturing and attention when young
Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
Mistake intensity for intimacy
Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
Highly manipulative and controlling of others
Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, as with food and water
Sense of worthlessness
Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
Using others to alter mood or relieve pain
Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
Driven, desperate, frantic personality
Existence of secret "double life"
Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
Defining "wants" as "needs"
ROMANCE - THE ADDICTION CYCLE*
Physical or emotional "trigger"
Consumed by thoughts
Plots, plans, schemes
Loss of concentration
2. THE HUNT.
Driven to find relief
Seeks out someone or something
Point of no return
Movement to resolve pain
Enlistment, enticement, seduction
Object of hunt is attained
Other person steps into desired role
Thrill of conquest
Victimization of other party
5. RETURN TO NORMAL.
Feel calm, peaceful
Switch turned off
Depersonalization of victim
Focus on own neglect or abuse
Refuse to accept responsibility
Lay problem at another's feet
Blaming seems inadequate
Horror at own actions
What sort of person must I be?
Resolve to fix what is broken
"Never again" list of promises
Fear of breaking promises
Return to start of cycle
*from p.51 of Addicted to "Love" by Steve Arterburn
FIVE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF RECOVERY: Acceptance, confession, forgiveness, accountability, and love Benefits of recovery:
Experience genuine love
Discover true intimacy
Fill the aching void inside
Grasp the meaning of life
Find union with God
Recovery is meant to be far more than survival or another coping strategy. Recovery is to lead to an intimate relationship with Christ, and to a re-birth of the heart. The goal is for the healing of a broken and empty heart and the filling of that heart with a love for God, for others and for yourself. Life's central truth is that GOD LOVE US. Christ sacrifice himself because of His love for us. His sacrifice made it possible for us to be men and women who love.
Entering God's love, making it our own, and being able to share it with others - that is the goal of recovery.
Celebrate Recovery meets every Friday night at River Valley Christian Fellowship Church in Bourbonnais.